Take your time and answer the same question in turns. You can skip a question, pause or stop. Some prompts involve family, painful memories and death; nobody needs to disclose a personal experience to complete the exercise.
Who are you doing this with?
Our adapted version. Family and old acquaintance use two alternative closing questions.
All 36 questions: our adaptation
This list and the guided conversation use the same questions. The wording is adapted by Endearist, rather than a verbatim copy of the study appendix. The PDF contains this standard version; two alternative closing questions appear separately below.
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Set 1: Getting acquainted
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set 2: Values and memories
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
What do you value most in a friendship?
What is your most treasured memory?
What is your most terrible memory?
If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
What does friendship mean to you?
What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of 5 items.
How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set 3: Getting more personal
Take turns making three true observations about the two of you, each beginning with “We …”.
What would you like to be able to share with someone? Complete: “I wish I had someone with whom I could …”.
If you became close friends, what would be important for the other person to know about you?
What do you like about the other person that you would not usually say to someone you had only just met?
Describe an embarrassing moment from your life that you are willing to share.
When did you last cry in front of someone else? When did you last cry alone?
Name something you already appreciate about the other person.
Is there anything you feel should not be joked about?
If you could not speak to anyone again after today, which unsaid words would you most regret? What has held you back from saying them?
Imagine your home is on fire and every person and animal is safe. If there were no danger, which single possession would you save? Why?
Whose loss in your family would affect you especially deeply? What makes that connection matter to you?
Share a personal difficulty you are willing to discuss. Ask the other person for an idea about handling it, and to describe how you seem to feel about it.
Alternative closing questions for family and old acquaintances
These two guided modes replace questions 35 and 36 with the prompts below. You can skip these alternatives too. These are editorial adaptations, not a separately tested method.
What is the most embarrassing moment you remember from your childhood?
Tell me about a time when you helped yourself through something difficult — and a time when you couldn't. What made the difference?
How to use the questions
Check that both people want to take part. Choose a setting where saying no or taking a break is possible.
Read one question aloud. Both people answer before moving on; alternate who starts.
Accept an answer without asking for an explanation or more detail. You do not need to finish the list.
Pausing saves question progress locally. Starting fresh clears the saved session. Copy your final reflection before leaving the page; it is not saved automatically.
What the research supports
In Aron et al. (1997), pairs of strangers completed increasingly personal, reciprocal questions over 45 minutes and reported greater closeness than a small-talk comparison group. That experiment illustrates one way self-disclosure can build closeness; it does not show that every lasting friendship develops this way. Original study.
The exercise can give a conversation some structure. It promises neither romantic feelings nor a lasting relationship. Our adapted version is not a scientifically validated relationship test.
The eye-contact timer is optional
After the third set, this tool offers a four-minute timer. It is an optional addition to our workflow. Skip it if you do not want eye contact, or stop whenever you choose. It is not a requirement for a worthwhile conversation.
Questions for your particular relationship
If you would rather talk without a fixed sequence, choose a question collection that fits:
This is Endearist’s adaptation of the 36-question conversation exercise by Aron and colleagues (1997), not a verbatim reproduction of its appendix. The standard list, printable PDF and guided view share the same question data. Family and old-acquaintance modes use two editorial alternative closing prompts. The optional eye-contact timer is part of this tool’s workflow. Neither our wording nor these adaptations have been separately validated, and the exercise does not guarantee romantic feelings. Pausing saves question progress in this browser; starting fresh clears it. Final reflections are not saved automatically and should be copied before leaving. A shared link preselects the mode, while a new run begins at question 1.
No. This page offers an adaptation of the conversation exercise by Aron and colleagues. The list and standard guided view match. Family and old-acquaintance modes use two alternative closing questions; these adaptations have not been separately validated.
Do the 36 questions guarantee that people fall in love?
No. The cited research concerns reported closeness after a structured interaction. It does not guarantee romantic feelings or establish that our adaptation creates lasting relationships.
Do we have to answer every question?
No. You can skip a question, pause or stop. Some prompts concern family, difficult memories or death. Being close to someone does not remove your choice to keep an experience private.
Can I print the list?
Yes. “Download as printable PDF” builds the standard 36-question version directly in your browser. No account is needed, and the file includes a link back to this page. The two alternative closing prompts are listed separately on the page.
What does the guided exercise save?
Pausing saves your question progress in this browser. Final reflections are not saved automatically: copy them before leaving the page. Starting fresh clears the saved session. A shared link preselects the mode; a new run begins at question 1. Reflections are never shared or sent to a server.
Do we have to make eye contact at the end?
No. The four-minute timer is an optional addition to this tool and can be skipped. Both people need to want eye contact, and either can stop at any time.
