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Conflict & Repair Topic Archive
Stories, studies, and how-tos on the work of real friendship.
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How to repair after a fight
Once the heat is gone, repair is a skill, not a feeling. How to reconnect after a fight: listen first, own your part, and rebuild safety.
The Four Horsemen: the four habits that quietly end relationships (Gottman)
Gottman can predict a breakup with over 90% accuracy from four communication habits. Here are the Four Horsemen — and the antidote to each.
How to raise a problem without starting a fight: the gentle start-up
Most fights are lost in the first sentence. The gentle start-up and the SBI formula let you raise a hard topic without triggering defensiveness.
Why criticism backfires: the science of defensiveness in close relationships
Criticism almost never changes the person you love. Here's the psychology of why it backfires — and the one thing that reliably works better.
When (and how) to reconnect with a friend you've lost touch with
Research is clear: receivers appreciate the message far more than senders predict. Here's how and when to reach out — and what's actually stopping you.
How to apologize properly: the 5 components of a real apology (Lewicki, 2016)
Most apologies fail in the same ways. Lewicki's five components show what a real apology actually looks like — and which one carries the most weight.