A reflection, not a verdict
“Is my friendship toxic?” is a heavy question, and it usually comes from a real, tender place — a sense that something hasn’t felt right, that you keep leaving certain conversations a little smaller than you arrived. This quiz isn’t here to hand you a label or tell you what to do. It’s a calm, structured way to notice patterns you may already half-sense, so you can think about them more clearly.
Importantly, the word “toxic” gets thrown around a lot, and it can be unfair. Most friendships go through difficult stretches. A rough patch is not a fixed truth about a person, and feeling drained for a while doesn’t make someone a villain. The goal here is honesty with yourself — not a diagnosis of anyone.
The 5 areas this reflection looks at
1. Respect
Respect shows up in whether you can disagree and still feel heard, whether your feelings are taken seriously even when they aren’t shared, and how a friend talks about you when others are around. Friendships where respect is steady feel safe to be honest in.
2. Reciprocity
Reciprocity is about balance over time — not perfect bookkeeping, but a general sense that support flows both ways. If you’re consistently the one showing up, listening, and holding space, while there’s little room for your own hard days, that imbalance is worth noticing.
3. Energy
Pay attention to how you feel afterwards. Good friendships generally leave you a little lighter, not drained. A quiet sense of dread before seeing someone, or feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, is information — not a final judgement, but something to sit with.
4. Autonomy
Healthy friendships leave room for the rest of your life. You can say no, spend time with other people, and set a boundary without fearing the whole thing will collapse. Guilt, pressure, or a friend who bristles at your other relationships is a pattern worth reflecting on.
5. Safety
Safety is being able to trust someone with something private without it being used against you later, and a friend who stays fairly steady over time rather than warm one day and cold the next. When things go wrong, you work them out — instead of one person always carrying the blame.
Frequently asked questions
Is this a diagnosis?
No — explicitly not. This is a reflective self-check to help you notice your own feelings about a friendship, not a clinical or professional assessment, and not a diagnosis of you or your friend. Only you really know your relationship, and a quiz can’t decide anything for you. If something here worries you, please talk it over with people you trust.
What are signs of a toxic friendship?
People often describe a few recurring patterns: consistently feeling drained rather than supported after spending time together, support that flows mostly in one direction, feeling unheard or put down, pressure or guilt about spending time with others, or not feeling safe being honest. These are things worth noticing and reflecting on — not boxes that, once ticked, prove anything. Every friendship has rough patches, and a hard stretch is not the same as a fixed label.
Can a toxic friendship be repaired?
Sometimes, yes. Many friendships go through difficult periods where the balance tips or something keeps rubbing the wrong way, and a kind, honest conversation can reset things. Other times the pattern is more persistent. Whether repair is possible depends on the specific people and circumstances — which is exactly why this is a reflection, not a rule. If you want to try, naming what you’re feeling calmly and directly is usually a better starting point than quietly pulling away.
Should I end the friendship?
A quiz can’t decide that for you, and it shouldn’t try. There’s no score here that means “leave” — only a reflection of how things have been feeling for you lately. If you’re weighing something big, the most helpful step is usually to talk it through with people you trust who know you well, and to be gentle with yourself while you think. If it’s been quietly wearing on you for a while, talking to a counsellor or therapist is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
Are my answers saved anywhere?
No. All calculation happens in your browser. Nothing is sent to any server. The shared link encodes only your result band and anonymised 0–100 area scores — not your individual answers.
What to do with your reflection
Whatever band your answers land in, treat it as a starting point, not a conclusion. If one area scored notably lower than the rest, that’s often the most useful thing to sit with. And if the reflection stirred something up, the kindest next step is rarely a dramatic decision — it’s a conversation with someone who knows you well.
If you’d like a gentle way to tend to the friendships that matter — and notice the ones quietly drifting — join the Endearist waitlist. It’s built around staying close to people on purpose.